Gee Y N?

Some people reading this may know that I've been having a lot of issues...I have "female" issues (see how I travel back to the '50s to talk about this) that are contributing to my anemia problems. At least that is that they believe is causing the problems. So I got an injection last week that is to stop my cycles for 3 months in order to help me prolong the time between now and when I will need surgery. I also had to have a biopsy in order to rule out any cancer or else the surgery could not be postponed. The biggest reason I need to postpone surgery is that after being laid off for over a year I am finally working but do not have any sick time or FMLA to protect my job or my income. Nice catch-22 for me.

Okay so here is the breakdown of how my Dr. visit went on Monday:

I tried to tell dr that i was still VERY BAD (things I don't want to spell out - pretty sure you can figure this out on your own) and they may want to rethink doing the exam and was told that it's no problem...just a day in the life at the GYN...

"we have these little pads to put beneath you" hahahahahaha

then when she saw how bad it was - "oh your life isn't fun is it?" NO SH!T “Lindsay can you get me some more pads?” and once more “Lindsay can you get me about 4 more pads?”

"how long has it been this way?" - since april 12th - "really - for 30 days?" - yes thats what I said - "for 30 DAYS?" - yes - "don't you feel weak" - HELL YES I FEEL WEAK but what are you gonna do?

so now she isn't sure she got enough material (i can't say tissue - it's yucky) MATERIAL to actually do the biopsy

After the exam the Dr wanted to run some more blood tests - thyroid and iron count - when her PA was taking blood the conversation went like this... "wow that's some crazy amount your bleeding, I don't know how you do it" so I asked her what was my alternative? things have to be done I can't just curl up in a ball and stay in bed all day no matter how much I want to



So just waiting to get the results of all the tests



- THEN IEZZI'S (my GP) OFFICE CALLED

I went for blood tests about 2 weeks ago and i have been trying to get the results of that test - well now they want me to go for more blood tests - one of the tests ordered wasn't done - and THEN we'll make an office appointment for you to come in and go over them. UHHMMM no I think I'll deal with my GYN for now thank you very much....

Gee Y N?

Aggravated

I suppose I am letting the aggravation that has been building up within me finally seep out. Having the appointment tomorrow with the therapist is giving me permission. I'd like to think so anyway.

Last Friday I did some power grocery shopping as I need to prepare for the next couple of weeks during my chemo time. After my chemo this Friday, I won't feel up to shopping. You know the routine by now.

On Saturday, I walked for two miles with Kristey. The walk was dicey in some parts, but we stopped and I drank liquids. Even though we started our trek at 7:30am, it was hotter than Hades in the wooded park. When I got home, I was wiped out. I ended up sleeping on the couch all day which aggravated me. I had intended to do chores like cleaning and laundry but wasn't up to it at all. How could two miles take me down the rest of the day? No, I don't need you to answer that. I've had a few people already tell me why. Sigh. I drank coffee to watch Betty White on Saturday Night Live. Betty was awesome in all her skits!

On Sunday, I did five loads of laundry before noon. Yes, that means I started at 7-ish. I washed the floors and cleaned some, too. That made me tired again...which aggravated me. My current physical limitations are wearing on me something awful. In my mind, I can move mountains, but my body says I can just kick sand around. This is disheartening.

I woke up today to some other news online regarding a friend. Well, someone else gave the news, but it was about that person. I can't expect much from a person who is morally depraved and deprived. Still - unexpected news can still be weird to read before 6am. Did it aggravate me? I'll let you guess.

Now to Tawny who had a doctor's appointment this afternoon. I tried calling her on her home phone and also on her regular cell in the early evening. I sent her two text messages about an hour or two later. No responses. Yes, that was aggravating. I hope she is okay.

So now I am getting ready to watch some sitcoms to make me cheery. I may let you know about my shrinky dink appointment. On my other blog, I will definitely. Now on to sitcoms.

Hugs,
S

Aggravated

UGH!

So that's what projectile means...

Not sure what's going on - I think I have food poisoning - just want to go home and sleep. Luckily I'm leaving at 5PM today instead of the 6PM we were scheduled for. It's end of the month billing time so can't really afford to miss any of this week.

Sigh.

UGH!

...

Some days just deserve a BLECH!

...

APRIL F*CKING FOOL'S DAY

This day just keeps getting better and better...

1) Passcode - I forgot my passcode to my laptop...completely! Thanks to my chemo influenced brain, I couldn't remember it to save my life and I used it at least twice yesterday. Aargh! I had to get help from someone at work to be able to log in until I get back to work on Monday.

2) Aunt/Uncle - My aunt is spending the night tonight so she can accompany me to my chemo appointment tomorrow; however, she will not be staying the night tomorrow night BECAUSE my uncle wants her to attend a church thing with him. Really?! I need her the most on Friday night. So from now on, I will leave them out of any future chemos. My aunt will be out of the country for Chemos #3 & #4 and I kinda have those covered, but will call a cab to/from if I have to. She was going to accompany me for #5 & #6. I definitely take a cab for those last two. I don't want to burden them any more than I have to -- it is a long day and jockeying times and rides gets hairy with their schedules. Know this about me -- if I start to feel like a burden or anything to you, I will go at it alone. It will not be the first time I've been alone to do things and I doubt it will be the last.

EVENING UPDATE: We discussed it at dinner and they capitulated. My aunt is staying Thursday and Friday.

3) Medical TV show - As if I don't feel bad enough with my Stage III ovarian cancer and the severity of the cure, I get to watch medical professionals say that eating parsley and celery are good to prevent ovarian cancer by 30% because of the flavonoids. That is not what pissed me off. The female gyno on the show says that ovarian cancer is one of the deadliest cancers and for the 35,000 women diagnosed each year about 15,000 died. Are you fucking kidding me?!

So Happy April Fucking Fool's!

APRIL F*CKING FOOL'S DAY

Medications to make you feel better?

The new medication that is supposed to help alleviate my anemia made me so sick nauseous that I went home from work at 2:30PM and slept until 7:00PM...what happens when the meds are worse than the symptoms? Riddle me THAT Batman!

Medications to make you feel better?

There but for the grace of God....

I was greated on Facebook yesterday by a link from my cousin to a newspaper article about a guy I knew in high school. Bob Zellmer was a little older than me - but then a lot of my friends were older than me back then. (Funny that they are mostly all younger than me now.) Bob left this world earlier this month at the age of 50. In high school I remember him as always smiling...him and his brothers always had a little bit of a reputation then, but when you live in small town middle America all teenage kids have a reputation. He always had friends around him and everyone talked about what a great singer he was.

I haven't seen him in years, probably since I moved away from that small town. But like everything in you childhood things from then aren't supposed to change. A happy go lucky guy from high school is not supposed to die addicted and homeless. These are not things that should happen.

Even though Bob was homeless himself and dealing with addictions - he spent his time trying to help other homeless people have shelter - a place to get out of the weather. I guess that's what living in my small town did for all of us - everyone I know from there would give you the shirt off of their back...something that is sadly lacking these days. I don't know what happened in Bob's life but I do know that it only takes one small thing and you're on a path that is hard to change. I also know that I appreciate everything and everyone I have in my life. I have a roof over my head - friends and family that love me - and that's enough...no matter how much I bitch that it's not.

Rest in Peace Builder Bob - You will be missed more than you know.

There but for the grace of God....

Last Dance

REPOSTED FROM MY BLOG:

You thought you were having a Bad Hair Day? I am just letting you know that I think I win the contest. The picture the other day of my hair was nothing compared to this result after three swipes on partially wet hair this afternoon.



This progression makes today the last official day of me shampooing my hair. I am afraid to dry it since the follicles are no longer how they once were before the chemo. Monday's shave cannot come soon enough. Thanks to my friends and family, I have a full weekend to not think about it too much. One thing is for sure: I will miss the slow dance of my fingers through my hair while I shampoo it. Big Sigh.

Last Dance

Follicle Faith

My aunt and stepmother both have some serious "Follicle Faith". No, it is not a new religion -- just a misplaced faith in me not losing my hair during my chemotherapy treatment. Every friggin' time they call me, they say things like, "Maybe you'll be the first one not to lose hair" or "You're too anxious to shave your head -- wait at the last possible minute". Ugh.

Hair is falling out as we speak. Not in clumps yet, but more than usual. Three medical professionals told me that I would lose my hair based on my chemo cocktail: my surgeon, the cancer center pharmacist who explained the chemicals and a nurse. The taxol and the carboplatin in my chemo mix make you lose your hair.

I wish these well-meaning women would cease their "Follicle Faith". It is bad enough I have been crying everyday for fear that day could the day clumps starts coming out. My head will be shaved on Monday; I am not waiting to see my scalp revealed. I have to get my wig styled on my shaved head. The wig is snug right now and I need to make sure it stretches a bit before I go back to work in two weeks. Believe me when I say I've been mourning impending loss of joy my hair gives me. My reality is temporary hair loss.
.

Follicle Faith

Tuesday again....

Tuesdays appear to not be such a good day for me... While trying to help Jeff find his cell phone this morning I totally forgot to grab my badge to get into my office. When I asked what do I do about it - senior rep tells me that it's a huge hassle to get visitor badge so just borrow hers or co-worker#2's badge. (Co-worker #1 has morning off). OH YEAH - did I mention that I need this badge to actually get back in office from the restroom? So every tinkle time I will now need to borrow a badge from one of co-workers to get back in.

This information was quickly followed by the next set of events:
1. I got an e-mail from a client asking for backup to an invoice...which I had already provided the information I received through e-mail
2. I ask sr. rep about it and co-worker #2 gets involved informing me that I should have sent the scanned file also.
3. What scanned file? (WTF?)
4. It seems that while yes I sent the documents I had been e-mailed the account manager also interofficed a bunch of paperwork which i didn't know needed to be scanned and e-mailed to client. (because notes from previous person were unclear - gee guess who was the previous person?)
5. Co-worker #2 gets all preachy about it being in the notes and walks away
6. Sr. Rep agrees with me that the notes are not clear so I update them for whoever the next billing rep is that gets this account.
7. Co-worker #2 all sullen and biotchy...(did you remember that I'm supposed to be borrowing her badge today for the restroom breaks?)

So all quiet in office this morning as the only ones really speaking are me and Sr. Rep...and that's only when necessary for work (no tension there just both work focused).

And then the final WTF moment... it appears we are all out of regular coffee in the breakroom...and the only flavor available is GERMAN CHOCOLATE CAKE!!! ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

And it's only 11:00AM...sigh

Tuesday again....