My Mom

Reprinted from Cloud Shaddows


I’m back to work today after a week visiting with my mother in the hospital. My mom has COPD and is in the last stages of the disease. My dad called me on Wednesday night that my mom was back in the hospital, just 3 weeks after she went home from her last hospital stay. On Thursday afternoon I received a call from my dad – the Dr. had told him it was time to call my sister and me. I could tell from the tone of his voice that things were not good. My mom was told by the doctor that diagnosed her COPD that she had 5 years left – this was 6 years ago, so everyday is a borrowed day.

Dad told me that the doctors had been working on mom all day – she was in ICU and wasn’t expected to make it. So I rented a car and my sister, niece, and I started a fast as possible 24 hour drive to Iowa. Our biggest fear after speaking with dad was that we wouldn’t be in time. (I had just seen my mom in August when I went up for a quick vacation – but my sister and niece hadn’t seen her in a year.)

At some point while the doctors were working on mom she finally was coherent enough for the doctor to explain what was going on and my mom asked “Am I dying?” Dr. Robin answered “yes”. So Mom looked at her and asked “Today?” and the answer was “Possibly” to which my mom responded “I’m not ready to go yet.” So in my mom’s stubborn fashion – she didn’t go. In fact, after hearing that we were on our way up – she started improving.

We got in about 12:30AM Friday night/Saturday morning – and immediately went to sleep. By the time we got to see her on Saturday morning she was doing much better. They had moved her back to her own room, and was very glad to see us. Mom felt guilty that we had wasted our trip to Iowa since she was feeling better and was going to get to go home – to which I informed her that she can NOT feel guilty for NOT DYING! The trip was in no way a waste of our time.

Jeffrey (my oldest) and Cameron (my youngest) arrived on Monday night and we all spend Tuesday morning with mom. Jeffrey is staying up there as he needed a change from Tampa and was planning a move anyway. Cameron came back with us on Tuesday – he didn’t get to see mom for a long time but it was really great that she got to see him at all. We had to leave to return the rental car but none of us really wanted to go. We took pictures and said good-byes and the question in the air was would this be our last good-bye.

The drive home was fairly uneventful – we all had to fold ourselves into the car, because it wasn’t a very big car and there were four of us to get home. The last 200 miles I cried most of the way and have pretty much been crying off and on since then. Every little thing sets me off…

They moved mom into their rehab area called Skilled Care for physical and respiratory therapy for approximately a week before they allow her to go home. After that it’s a guessing game – hopefully she goes home and is able to stay well for a while --- a long while. But we all know that things are going to happen and none of us are ready for them when they do.

On the plus side and there were a couple – I was able to have a conversation with both of my parents about their end of life wishes….which no matter how many times I had tried to have the conversation before neither of them wanted to talk about it. My mom got to see her brother who came to visit her in the hospital and I was able to see my brother and one of my best friends.

Right now all I can do is try to go on with the day to day, call the hospital and check on her progress, and hope that she knows just how much I love her.

My Mom

What can I say?

Also posted on Cloud Shadows...

I went home to visit my parents and my daughter who is there for the summer break a couple weeks ago - nice flight, horrible layovers. It was a wonderful visit and I got to see one of my best friends - going all the way to 5th grade.

2 days after I got home, my mother ended up in the hospital. Mom has COPD and congestive heart failure. So any illness hits her hard...this is what they found when they got her to the hospital:

Severe pneumonia in both lungs
Heart enzymes were elevated
EKG showed chronic changes to heart
Anemic
Low Blood Pressure
Blood Oxygen level was 65 (should be 95-100)
Dehydrated
Changes to kidney functions
Urinary infection (they think from the dehydration)

She finally came home from the hospital yesterday - and she sounds much better than she did. She gave us a really big scare and we all know this may be the beginning of a lot of scares. As the Dr. told me - a lot depends on how she does over the next few weeks. I wanted to try and arrange to go up there and work remotely for a few months just to be there to help with things.

So I talked to my boss and she talked to her boss and he turned her down. I didn’t get a reason – but needless to say I’m more than a little upset – I’ve completely revamped the way billing is done here by moving all the processes into sharepoint speeding the process up measurably – am currently working the integration of our latest acquisition and moving their processes in to our system – and also utilized my purchasing / IT knowledge for the upgrade of the departments computers. All of this in 6 months and for crap money. What I’m supposed to be happy for – is that they will let me take an unpaid leave AFTER I train a temp to do my job of course. UNPAID! So they would rather pay a temp to do the job than set a precedence or whatever the reasoning. What can you say though about a company that makes their money from outsourcing...?

So needless to say I am weighing my options – as quickly as possible.

What can I say?

I have one of these...

So I got called into my bosses office the other day...I've been working on our departments SharePoint site to streamline and revamp our billing process. Making it simpler and quicker for all involved. My company recently acquired it's largest competitor so the two billing managers were meeting. So my boss calls me into her office to meet him and get initial requirements for moving them into our site for billing.

After about 15 minutes of what back and forth - what information is already there...what information he would like to see, etc. He looks at my boss and tells her "I have one of these too - her name is Linda". ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I am now "one of these" property? What year is it...? It's like saying " I have a girl who does that for me. " OMG so pissed off about it. If I never see him again it will be too soon - but I'm sure I'll be meeting with him more to finalize this process. SIGH.

On the positive side - I got some really good news from my Sprinkly friend. And it makes up for anything bad this whole month.

:)

I have one of these...

Thyroid Good, I Think

So, my lovelies, it's been a few weeks since I talked about my thyroid. I did have the biopsy done last week. About several needles were jabbed in, two were for the anaesthetic. My throat was a bit tender and it bruised a little after, but nothing to really write home about.

Today, I received the call that the 1cm nodule was BENIGN. That was great news for Sprinkles; however, my primary care recommended that I go to an Ears, Nose, Throat doctor to check out why there was some extra bleeding in my throat based on the samples found. I thought it was because they were jabbing around since they needed a longer needle at some point.

I made the appointment today for next Tuesday afternoon after the 4th of July holiday. This will make 4 medical appointments on the schedule for July already. Sigh. Just another appointment on my calendar. I pray for more patience...not patients. ;p

xo

Thyroid Good, I Think

OMG...Our Network

This is unprecedented I know, but I had to gripe about work. For a week now we've had service interruptions at work. E-mails up and down. Applications working intermittently or not at all. A big cluster fuck happened where one of our hubs is located. Not pretty. Poor Tawny's husband has had to deal with it, too.

Today is my first day at work since Thursday and TWO of the applications I work with are not working well. I guess I should count myself lucky that the third one is working. It just makes the day go long as I work from home today.

My aftercare chemo meds are wearing off -- my brain is still fuzzy. TV doesn't hold appeal. Same crap playing on TV. Ugh. I took my blood pressure pill for dessert after lunch. That's good, eh?

Oh -- lookee. I have conference call in 2.5 hours. Something too look forward to this afternoon...

OMG...Our Network

And Now My Thyroid

Things are going great from the cancer front. Progressing mighty nicely as a matter of fact. Woohoo!!

Well -- now I have an ultrasound appointment to check out the nodule seen when I went to the emergency room in April when I had issues with my port. The scan of my heart included a little nodule up in my thyroid. My ultrasound is next Tuesday.

Going to doctor's appointments is the norm for now. I just make the appointments and try to mitigate any kind of side effects from the chemotherapy and address other items as they come up. Face it, I am going to be 40 years old in January. This is the best time to reset my body. I have some aggressive health goals for myself as I progress from cancer.

Yes, I am bummed about the thyroid appointment. All I can do is go.

And Now My Thyroid

Tick Tock

The word of the day is Survive - 3 day weekend ahead, so just need to get through today. Have been working overtime all week and will have overtime and craziness all next week. So for today...just survive.

Tick Tock

Eh?

I hate being worried about people - because when I am worried it means there is a reason to worry and someone may be in trouble. Financial, health, mental? I would much rather everyone was fine and I didn't have a reason to worry.

Funny thing - I know people are worried about me and that irritates me too...not because they are worried (that just means I have friends who care) but what irritates me is the I have given them a reason to worry. Just can't win...

Eh?

Gee Y N?

Some people reading this may know that I've been having a lot of issues...I have "female" issues (see how I travel back to the '50s to talk about this) that are contributing to my anemia problems. At least that is that they believe is causing the problems. So I got an injection last week that is to stop my cycles for 3 months in order to help me prolong the time between now and when I will need surgery. I also had to have a biopsy in order to rule out any cancer or else the surgery could not be postponed. The biggest reason I need to postpone surgery is that after being laid off for over a year I am finally working but do not have any sick time or FMLA to protect my job or my income. Nice catch-22 for me.

Okay so here is the breakdown of how my Dr. visit went on Monday:

I tried to tell dr that i was still VERY BAD (things I don't want to spell out - pretty sure you can figure this out on your own) and they may want to rethink doing the exam and was told that it's no problem...just a day in the life at the GYN...

"we have these little pads to put beneath you" hahahahahaha

then when she saw how bad it was - "oh your life isn't fun is it?" NO SH!T “Lindsay can you get me some more pads?” and once more “Lindsay can you get me about 4 more pads?”

"how long has it been this way?" - since april 12th - "really - for 30 days?" - yes thats what I said - "for 30 DAYS?" - yes - "don't you feel weak" - HELL YES I FEEL WEAK but what are you gonna do?

so now she isn't sure she got enough material (i can't say tissue - it's yucky) MATERIAL to actually do the biopsy

After the exam the Dr wanted to run some more blood tests - thyroid and iron count - when her PA was taking blood the conversation went like this... "wow that's some crazy amount your bleeding, I don't know how you do it" so I asked her what was my alternative? things have to be done I can't just curl up in a ball and stay in bed all day no matter how much I want to



So just waiting to get the results of all the tests



- THEN IEZZI'S (my GP) OFFICE CALLED

I went for blood tests about 2 weeks ago and i have been trying to get the results of that test - well now they want me to go for more blood tests - one of the tests ordered wasn't done - and THEN we'll make an office appointment for you to come in and go over them. UHHMMM no I think I'll deal with my GYN for now thank you very much....

Gee Y N?

Aggravated

I suppose I am letting the aggravation that has been building up within me finally seep out. Having the appointment tomorrow with the therapist is giving me permission. I'd like to think so anyway.

Last Friday I did some power grocery shopping as I need to prepare for the next couple of weeks during my chemo time. After my chemo this Friday, I won't feel up to shopping. You know the routine by now.

On Saturday, I walked for two miles with Kristey. The walk was dicey in some parts, but we stopped and I drank liquids. Even though we started our trek at 7:30am, it was hotter than Hades in the wooded park. When I got home, I was wiped out. I ended up sleeping on the couch all day which aggravated me. I had intended to do chores like cleaning and laundry but wasn't up to it at all. How could two miles take me down the rest of the day? No, I don't need you to answer that. I've had a few people already tell me why. Sigh. I drank coffee to watch Betty White on Saturday Night Live. Betty was awesome in all her skits!

On Sunday, I did five loads of laundry before noon. Yes, that means I started at 7-ish. I washed the floors and cleaned some, too. That made me tired again...which aggravated me. My current physical limitations are wearing on me something awful. In my mind, I can move mountains, but my body says I can just kick sand around. This is disheartening.

I woke up today to some other news online regarding a friend. Well, someone else gave the news, but it was about that person. I can't expect much from a person who is morally depraved and deprived. Still - unexpected news can still be weird to read before 6am. Did it aggravate me? I'll let you guess.

Now to Tawny who had a doctor's appointment this afternoon. I tried calling her on her home phone and also on her regular cell in the early evening. I sent her two text messages about an hour or two later. No responses. Yes, that was aggravating. I hope she is okay.

So now I am getting ready to watch some sitcoms to make me cheery. I may let you know about my shrinky dink appointment. On my other blog, I will definitely. Now on to sitcoms.

Hugs,
S

Aggravated